Confucius says

Confucius says Man who fart in church must sit in own pew.
Confucius says Lady who go camping must beware of evil intent.
Confucius says Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
Confucius says Two wrongs not make right, three lefts do.
Confucius says Man who pee on electric fence, receive shocking news.
Confucius says Do not drink and park, accidents cause people.
Confucius says Man who get kicked in testicles left holding bag.
Confucius says He who crosses ocean twice without washing is dirty double crosser.
Confucius says Man who have head up ass, have crappy outlook on life.
Confucius says Man who put head on railroad track to listen for train likely to end up with splitting headache.
Confucius says Man who sucks nipples make clean breast of things.
Confucius says Baby conceived in back seat of automatic car grow up to be shiftless bastard.
Confucius says Man who have hand in pockets not crazy, just feeling nuts.
Confucius says Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Confucius says Man who sit on tack get point.
Confucius says Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.
Confucius says Find blind man on nude beach, not hard.
Confucius says Girl who sit on lap of judge get honorable discharge.
Confucius says Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand.
Confucius says Man who have hand in pocket not just jingling change.
Confucius says Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth
Confucius says Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed.
Confucius says Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
Confucius says Woman who spends much time on bedspring, may have offspring.
Confucius says Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
Confucius says Man who make love to exhaust pipe of car have hot rod.
Confucius says Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
Confucius says A bird in hand makes it hard to blow nose.
Confucius says Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
Confucius says Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Confucius says Man who sneezes without handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.
Confucius says Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.
Confucius says Sailor who get discharged from navy leave buddies behind.
Confucius says Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.
Confucius says Girl who sit on lap of jockey get hot tip.
Confucius says Man who fight with wife all day get no peace at night.
Confucius says Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
Confucius says Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.
Confucius says Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Confucius says Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
Confucius says Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Confucius says Woman who fly plane upside down have crackup.
Confucius says Man who leap off cliff jump to conclusion.
Confucius says Epileptic woman who give oral sex may bite big one.
Confucius says Man and mouse alike, both end up in pussy.
Confucius says Wife who slides down banister makes monkey shine.
Confucius says Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
Confucius says Man who kisses girls behind, gets crack in face.
Confucius says Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Confucius says Panties not best thing on earth, but next to best thing on earth.
Confucius says Baseball wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.
Confucius says Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Confucius says America good place to Put Chinese Restaurant.
Confucius says It take square ass to shit a brick.
Confucius says To make egg roll, push it.
Confucius says To prevent hangover stay drunk!
Confucius says Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
Confucius says Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
Confucius says Confucius says Man who sneezes without hanky takes matters into his own hands.
Confucius says Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
Confucius says Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Confucius says Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
Confucius says He who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.
Confucius says Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.
Confucius says War not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Confucius says Man who go to bed with itchy ass wake up with smelly finger.
Confucius says Okay for shit to happen, will decompose.
Confucius says Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
Confucius says Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Confucius says Man who sleep in cathouse by day, sleep in doghouse by night.
Confucius says Short man who dance with tall woman get bust in mouth.
Confucius says Man who drive like hell bound to get there.
Confucius says Man who walk middle of road get run over by bus.
Confucius says Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Confucius says Man who puts pecker in peanut butter jar is f***ing nuts.
Confucius says Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
Confucius says Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
Confucius says Man who kiss epileptic woman may get tongue-tied.
Confucius says Modern house without toilet uncanny.
Confucius says It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Confucius says Passionate kiss like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.
Confucius says Man who sit on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
Confucius says Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Confucius says Man who run in front of car get tired.
Confucius says Man who stand on toilet, must be high on pot.
Confucius says Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
Confucius says Man who sleep on railroad tracks wake up with split personality.
Confucius says Woman who go to man's apartment for snack may get tit bit.
Confucius says Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have crappy time.
Confucius says Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.
Confucius says Squirrel who runs up woman's leg not find nuts.
Confucius says Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.
Confucius says Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss.
Confucius says Support bacteria, it may be the only culture some people have.
Confucius says Virgin like balloon: one prick, all gone.
Confucius says Procrastination like masturbation, only screw self.
Confucius says Man who shoot off mouth, bound to lose face.
Confucius says Man who keep feet firmly on ground, have trouble putting on pants.
Confucius says He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's dinner table without subject coming up.
Confucius says People who make Confucius joke speak bad English.